I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
