Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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