Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
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