just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
