Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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