new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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