well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Randomize
