Im at strip club and am horny
I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
