life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
