so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
They should really pass out barf bags in church
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
