he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Let's get the cat blown out
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
