I need help removing her.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
