Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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