Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
