The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
