It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
