also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
