I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
