she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
