you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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