i just wanna soil my oats bro
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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