Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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