she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
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