Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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