Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
