so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
