I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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