we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Randomize