i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
