plz talk dirty to me
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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