very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
