the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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