is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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