It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
