Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
