Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
i came on her dog
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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