Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
