If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
