Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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