My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
