is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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