My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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