You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
