hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
