I need help removing her.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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