now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
she peed on how many people?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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