dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I skipped work to stalk him.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
