Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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