hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
