Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Randomize
