OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
