you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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