I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
