I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
