I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
