No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
