actually, I'm a sock model
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Randomize
