oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
