whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
