So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
